There’s this fucking show on late at night: ElimiDATE. At first it smacks of this slew of bullshit dating shows, but I swear it’s fucking hilarious. Four girls date one guy, who eliminates one after another until there’s only one left. I always know who I’d choose when the girls are introduced; I guess I know what I want. But these girls are hilarious: one claims to never have so much as kissed, another claims to have three orgasms when taken from behind in a quickie. But what’s most hilarious is that we get clips of each girl’s reactions to the others. It really reveals what anyone who knows women knows: that no matter how polite they are to each other (and they’re not all that polite), they’ll tear each other to shreds viciously and without regret, if not consciousness. There are no female friends in any male, reliability-based, dependability-requiring definition of “friend.” Of course, the girls equally bad-mouth the guy to which they just talked nicely.

The "cast" is great. There’s a slut. There’s a "good girl." And the girls know that all of them -- all of them -- are playing a role; in fact, as men should remind themselves, they can immediately peg what role the others are playing. Ultimately, all of the women are annoying -- not that the men are great. Call me picky, but when the most charming girl clearly lacks education and talks about “pooping” her pants, you know the pickings are slim. Other times, what’s most notable is that each girl has a positive attribute: the one that’s stunningly beautiful is a slut and talks about how she’s a “princess” (as in this sentence: “Self-proclaimed princesses might want to read a book instead of going to tonight’s rave or they might be shot, raped, and left in a dumpster.”). The one who’s funny responds when asked for something interesting, “I can smoke a cigar with my crotch” -- great fun, if you’ve a camcorder, and well worth having a JPEG in your porno folder, but hardly a "date." Women, you do know that we have whores for this ... .

Anyway, I just thought that I’d let you know how much I was enjoying this ridiculous show. And there are great impromptu lines like, after rejecting a girl for swearing too much (egads! -- as if this is 1940!), "next time she goes on a date, I definitely suggest she finds someone who’s been at sea." And, of course, it all gravitates around a kind of half-Jerry Springer-ized version of the Playboy mansion, or the line-up of call girls to be chosen, that great male fantasy that’s not in any danger of disappearing.

Keep in mind, though, that I’ve only (consciously) seen two shows.

Thank goodness for small pleasures; sometimes they really make you happy.

I've seen quite a number of episodes since I wrote this essay.

What strikes me most about ElimiDATE is the element of male fantasy. The exhiliration of having four girls fawn over you, desperate to win. The audience putting itself in the position of the one male, having to choose. The gasping as someone chooses someone totally unexpected -- or just plain stupid.

I still think it's a great show.